You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Randomize
