I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
