I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Your dad touched me again.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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