If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
