mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
