is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
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