and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
