i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
