I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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