Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
