I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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