i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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