Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
