I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
