ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
that is very illegal...i love you.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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