Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize