At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
