I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
