I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
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