also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
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