what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize