he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
