I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
