he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
