I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize