i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
