But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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