Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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