i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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