i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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