I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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