You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
