I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
