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ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
