he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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