i just wanna soil my oats bro
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
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