In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
