So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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