Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Randomize
