She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
