I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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