3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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