Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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