I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
