I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
