I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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