...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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