They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
