she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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