They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
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