Fuck appropriateness.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
