Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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