So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
