the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
