Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
