i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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