Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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