You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
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