I wanna passion pit in your ass
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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