plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
