I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
