I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
