Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
