bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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