girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
