so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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