So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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