I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
