There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
