sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
