He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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