i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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