2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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