I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
