I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
