Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize