I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
