What tipped you off? The sombrero?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Randomize
