I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
pray to the hookup gods
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
