you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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