well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
