Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
he told me I talked like a deaf person
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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