my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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