I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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