The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
it glows. i had to have it.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
