On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
