none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
