i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
My liver is preforming stress tests.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
