Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
