btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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