Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
