hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
