im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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