it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
