the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
