You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
