Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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