i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
