somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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