I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
only if we run a train.
done.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
