i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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