Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
