So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
