Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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