Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Randomize
