worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize