Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Randomize
