I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
