The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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