peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Randomize
