just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
